Just read this in one of Richard Branson's interviews...
"The key is to act when you are inspired and do something about it."
How true...
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Commitment
Commitment... ah... such a big word.
Over the past few weeks, I have been hit left right centre with this word in every aspect - work commitment, personal commitment, relationship commitment, family commitment...
Let's start with work commitment. In all my years of work experience, NEVER have I seen such appalling behaviour by an employee in a managerial capacity. Yes, I'm referring to my Malaysian employee who was hired as a Sales and Operations Manager, and she simply tendered her resignation via sms after disappearing on a 3-day MC. Missed her appointment with the management to officially submit her letter of resignation and do a handover, and sent her dear husband to submit her resignation letter in the end. Not only is there a lack of commitment in her work, there is such severe lack of professionalism and work principles that it's shocking. The sad truth is, to find an employee who is truly committed in his/her work is rare these days.
Relationship commitment. I have so many guy friends who are simply commitment phobes. My ex is one such guy. They love the convenience of a hot date, mindboggling sex and good company but when it comes to the word 'commitment' or 'relationship', they freeze and play dodge ball. And mind you, they are not young boys who are still checking out the scene but they are men in their 30s. I have this flamboyant male friend who charms most women and has most women at his beck and call, but when it comes to commitment, it's a blank for him and he just does the avoidance waltz each time he's confronted with a commitment question. And he did just that to me when I posed a commitment question to him. Ha.
Family commitment. Family commitment, especially commitment to ageing parents is something that all of us have. Commitment to take care of our parents, immediate family is so ingrained in our Asian culture that it's unthinkable otherwise. For those with family business, myself included, this family commitment gets extended to the professional realm where the lines between work and family can potentially blur. Not good, I think, unless the parties involved in the family business can distinguish and draw a line between work and family.
At the end of the day, no one can run away from this word. Commitment is required somewhere somehow in many aspects of our lives. It's just how we want to deal with it and how much we want to deal with it. Selective commitment perhaps...
Over the past few weeks, I have been hit left right centre with this word in every aspect - work commitment, personal commitment, relationship commitment, family commitment...
Let's start with work commitment. In all my years of work experience, NEVER have I seen such appalling behaviour by an employee in a managerial capacity. Yes, I'm referring to my Malaysian employee who was hired as a Sales and Operations Manager, and she simply tendered her resignation via sms after disappearing on a 3-day MC. Missed her appointment with the management to officially submit her letter of resignation and do a handover, and sent her dear husband to submit her resignation letter in the end. Not only is there a lack of commitment in her work, there is such severe lack of professionalism and work principles that it's shocking. The sad truth is, to find an employee who is truly committed in his/her work is rare these days.
Relationship commitment. I have so many guy friends who are simply commitment phobes. My ex is one such guy. They love the convenience of a hot date, mindboggling sex and good company but when it comes to the word 'commitment' or 'relationship', they freeze and play dodge ball. And mind you, they are not young boys who are still checking out the scene but they are men in their 30s. I have this flamboyant male friend who charms most women and has most women at his beck and call, but when it comes to commitment, it's a blank for him and he just does the avoidance waltz each time he's confronted with a commitment question. And he did just that to me when I posed a commitment question to him. Ha.
Family commitment. Family commitment, especially commitment to ageing parents is something that all of us have. Commitment to take care of our parents, immediate family is so ingrained in our Asian culture that it's unthinkable otherwise. For those with family business, myself included, this family commitment gets extended to the professional realm where the lines between work and family can potentially blur. Not good, I think, unless the parties involved in the family business can distinguish and draw a line between work and family.
At the end of the day, no one can run away from this word. Commitment is required somewhere somehow in many aspects of our lives. It's just how we want to deal with it and how much we want to deal with it. Selective commitment perhaps...
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Till Death Do Us Part
Quite recently, the Singapore media highlighted the alarming increasing rise in divorce rates on our sunny island... the ratio of break-ups to new marriages is every three to ten.
So, the BIG question is... IS MARRIAGE A LIFELONG COMMITMENT?
A topic that's close to my heart, I am of the belief that yes, marriage is a lifelong commitment. It is a complex relationship and partnership that involves the full integration of two individuals at many levels of the social strata (from social groups that includes friends and colleagues to family).
I spoke to a male friend recently who's got a BIG reputation as a player in the field, and he mentioned that in a survey he did with his male friends, a good half of them felt that it's ok to seek extra marital affair if it doesn't involve emotional engagement, cos as long as it's not emotional and merely 'physical' it's not considered cheating. Gee... flabberghasted is the word here...
Then at a recent Power Lunch Talk (organised by the Business & Professional Women's Association - 3rd Chapter, of which I'm part of in the EXCO) with Minister of Finance and Transport Mrs Lim Hwee Hwa, Mrs Lim brought up this trend as a topic of concern, and asked the luncheon attendees their opinion of this phenomenon.
Some interesting perspectives came up amongst members and guests during this discussion.
1. Changing social values
A number of women voiced their concern with the fact that family and marriage values have changed significantly, with the emergence of today's financially independent and equally educated women. Women today no longer need marriage as a security blanket, and are less willing to compromise their lifestyles and life choices, i.e. less 'tolerant'. Men, have lagged behind, as women evolved over time. Their consciousness and awareness of women's needs today are apparently lacking and some of them are still not viewing marriage or even family/parenthood as an equal partnership.
2. Lack of strong foundation/understanding of the commitment involved before taking the leap to marriage
The recent movement by MCDS to start a counseling service for pre-marital preparation is no doubt a good effort to make such services available to the masses, as pre-marital workshops/counseling are usually limited to religious groups and less accessible. Question is, are we able to make it mandatory for couples to go through marriage preparation courses before they are eligible to register their marriage at the Registry of Marriage?
3. Marrying for the wrong reasons (e.g. The Singapore Phenomenon)
Many young couples marry for the wrong reason. The HDB flat phenomenon is one of the main reasons for Singapore couples to get married, as the public policy has made it impossible for singles under the age of 35 to own their own HDB apartment, unless they have the means to purchase a private property, which is ever difficult now with the booming property prices. Once again, this policy has created a push factor for couples to enter into marriage, when they may or may not be truly ready to deal with the lifelong commitment that marriage entails.
Moving on to parenting... the topic of discussion revolved much around women having to multi-task, making sacrifices professionally at some point in their life to cater to children and parenthood. Policies and measures are taken to make it easier for women to continue working and contribute her fair share as wife and mother in the domestic front. But what about policies to encourage MEN to play a more equal role in fatherhood and parenting? I strongly believe that it's time now to educate the men in our society about the importance and need to play an equal partnership in parenthood, and this means men should have as much understanding from their bosses when they need to take leave to take care of their kids, having generous paternity leave to allow them to relieve their wives when necessary. Mrs Lim Hwee Hwa mentioned that the government did toy with the idea of granting longer paternity leave, but was hesitant that the men would use the paternity leave and spend it on the golf course. I beg to differ. At least for the younger men in their 20s and 30s. I believe this group of men are more enlightened and more liberal in their outlook, and they are more aware and open about their gender roles in today's society.
So... it's time. Time for the public policies to aggressively encourage men to step out of their old roles and step up to the challenge of playing an equal partner for their better halves.
So, the BIG question is... IS MARRIAGE A LIFELONG COMMITMENT?
A topic that's close to my heart, I am of the belief that yes, marriage is a lifelong commitment. It is a complex relationship and partnership that involves the full integration of two individuals at many levels of the social strata (from social groups that includes friends and colleagues to family).
I spoke to a male friend recently who's got a BIG reputation as a player in the field, and he mentioned that in a survey he did with his male friends, a good half of them felt that it's ok to seek extra marital affair if it doesn't involve emotional engagement, cos as long as it's not emotional and merely 'physical' it's not considered cheating. Gee... flabberghasted is the word here...
Then at a recent Power Lunch Talk (organised by the Business & Professional Women's Association - 3rd Chapter, of which I'm part of in the EXCO) with Minister of Finance and Transport Mrs Lim Hwee Hwa, Mrs Lim brought up this trend as a topic of concern, and asked the luncheon attendees their opinion of this phenomenon.
Some interesting perspectives came up amongst members and guests during this discussion.
1. Changing social values
A number of women voiced their concern with the fact that family and marriage values have changed significantly, with the emergence of today's financially independent and equally educated women. Women today no longer need marriage as a security blanket, and are less willing to compromise their lifestyles and life choices, i.e. less 'tolerant'. Men, have lagged behind, as women evolved over time. Their consciousness and awareness of women's needs today are apparently lacking and some of them are still not viewing marriage or even family/parenthood as an equal partnership.
2. Lack of strong foundation/understanding of the commitment involved before taking the leap to marriage
The recent movement by MCDS to start a counseling service for pre-marital preparation is no doubt a good effort to make such services available to the masses, as pre-marital workshops/counseling are usually limited to religious groups and less accessible. Question is, are we able to make it mandatory for couples to go through marriage preparation courses before they are eligible to register their marriage at the Registry of Marriage?
3. Marrying for the wrong reasons (e.g. The Singapore Phenomenon)
Many young couples marry for the wrong reason. The HDB flat phenomenon is one of the main reasons for Singapore couples to get married, as the public policy has made it impossible for singles under the age of 35 to own their own HDB apartment, unless they have the means to purchase a private property, which is ever difficult now with the booming property prices. Once again, this policy has created a push factor for couples to enter into marriage, when they may or may not be truly ready to deal with the lifelong commitment that marriage entails.
Moving on to parenting... the topic of discussion revolved much around women having to multi-task, making sacrifices professionally at some point in their life to cater to children and parenthood. Policies and measures are taken to make it easier for women to continue working and contribute her fair share as wife and mother in the domestic front. But what about policies to encourage MEN to play a more equal role in fatherhood and parenting? I strongly believe that it's time now to educate the men in our society about the importance and need to play an equal partnership in parenthood, and this means men should have as much understanding from their bosses when they need to take leave to take care of their kids, having generous paternity leave to allow them to relieve their wives when necessary. Mrs Lim Hwee Hwa mentioned that the government did toy with the idea of granting longer paternity leave, but was hesitant that the men would use the paternity leave and spend it on the golf course. I beg to differ. At least for the younger men in their 20s and 30s. I believe this group of men are more enlightened and more liberal in their outlook, and they are more aware and open about their gender roles in today's society.
So... it's time. Time for the public policies to aggressively encourage men to step out of their old roles and step up to the challenge of playing an equal partner for their better halves.
Monday, March 5, 2007
Festive Warmth
CNY came and went again this year. Only that this year, CNY was truly special for me. I got to catch up proper with my family and my truckload of cousins whom I grow up so fondly with.
For one, one of my closest cousins who MIAed 7 years ago after she got married and relocated herself in KL with her hubby, made her debut appearance at CNY this year with her husband, and did her married duties of dishing out ang pows to the singles.
And a cousin whom none of us has seen for YEARS appeared with his new wife! With features so different that most of the cousins almost couldn't recognise him... whatever happened man??!!
What makes CNY truly memorable and meaningful for me is the big happy family gathering that gets the whole clan together collectively in a single location. Trying to catch up with EVERYONE is a mind boggling affair as there are countless cousins to talk to, toddlers (my darling nieces and nephews) to play with and babies to carry... This sight certainly overwhelmed a young American male who happened to be visiting my cousin's family during the CNY period.
Some of my cutie pie nieces and nephews that I couldn't get enough of this CNY...
For those who are not close to their (extended) families during the lunar new year, this festive season is usually a much dreaded affair as one is forced to meet up with relatives they only see once a year and do the cursory how-do-you-do talk. For me, the lunar new year is a precious time when we try to get in touch with our traditions to do what we normally wouldn't do, go back to our roots and remind ourselves of the forgotten cultural practices, and get together as one big family to enjoy a little festive warmth and remember the joys of family relations.
Plus all the good food and snacks for all to enjoy... can we truly complain about the festive flab that we pile on during this period? Perhaps... it only takes a week to lose this flab, but we have a lifetime to experience the traditions and family warmth this festive occasion brings every year.
Cheers to a good oinky year ahead!
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Walk Away
My dearest and closest cousin who is a talented composer told me last year that he wrote a song about my break up (of a 7-year relationship). I was moved, and immensely curious... I couldn't wait to hear the song he wrote for me.
Finally, almost a year later, during this CNY, the song has been produced and released as the first single in the latest album of Juwita Suwito, an established Malaysian singer.
"Walk Away", aptly titled, couldn't have been more appropriate in its lyrics. My cousin read the lyrics to me before he sent me the MPG file of the song. How did I feel? Moved, touched and a tad nostalgic. Had I heard this song a year ago, when I was still going through the tremendous pain, I would probably have broken down in floods of tears. But today, when I listen to the song, I am thankful that I am now exactly where this song is headed.. I've walked away from the trauma and pain, and survived it with total closure.
Walk Away:
"Baby tell me something
Can you feel the silence echo down from my heart
Our vows’ been broken
Like love letters on the floor torn apart
I’ve been on journey
Flew through a storm and landed back at the start
I wonder why
I wonder why
Did you throw it away
Chorus:
Walk away
Just walk away
Don’t let love stand in your way
I won’t cry
I will not die
I won’t let you bleed me dry
You should know by now
I will breathe again
You are not a stranger
But a sacred part of me I can’t understand
The pain is getting better
Every time I learn my lines in this greater plan
I just wanna thank you
Now I know a rose can blossom in desert sand
I wonder why
I wonder why
Did you throw it away
Bridge:
I don’t wanna cry no more
I don’t wanna run no more
I don’t wanna hurt no more
I just wanna breathe again"
Thank you cuz, for writing this beautiful song...
Finally, almost a year later, during this CNY, the song has been produced and released as the first single in the latest album of Juwita Suwito, an established Malaysian singer.
"Walk Away", aptly titled, couldn't have been more appropriate in its lyrics. My cousin read the lyrics to me before he sent me the MPG file of the song. How did I feel? Moved, touched and a tad nostalgic. Had I heard this song a year ago, when I was still going through the tremendous pain, I would probably have broken down in floods of tears. But today, when I listen to the song, I am thankful that I am now exactly where this song is headed.. I've walked away from the trauma and pain, and survived it with total closure.
Walk Away:
"Baby tell me something
Can you feel the silence echo down from my heart
Our vows’ been broken
Like love letters on the floor torn apart
I’ve been on journey
Flew through a storm and landed back at the start
I wonder why
I wonder why
Did you throw it away
Chorus:
Walk away
Just walk away
Don’t let love stand in your way
I won’t cry
I will not die
I won’t let you bleed me dry
You should know by now
I will breathe again
You are not a stranger
But a sacred part of me I can’t understand
The pain is getting better
Every time I learn my lines in this greater plan
I just wanna thank you
Now I know a rose can blossom in desert sand
I wonder why
I wonder why
Did you throw it away
Bridge:
I don’t wanna cry no more
I don’t wanna run no more
I don’t wanna hurt no more
I just wanna breathe again"
Thank you cuz, for writing this beautiful song...
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Motherhood & Womanhood
"So when are you planning to start a family and have kids?"
This was a favourite question I had to face with my gynae every year when I visit her for my annual checkup. Despite hitting the BIG 3-0 last year, I still felt none of the maternal instincts or need to have a baby anytime soon, although I love babies and kids.
So when one of my closest girl friends D told me she was pregnant last year, it struck me that life will be different from now onwards... we once talked about going through pregnancy together, but she beat me to it. And it's kissing goodbye to our girlie nights out, long dinners etc. Topics these days when we meet can't escape from breastfeeding, the baby, yada yada. Well, at least I'm learning new things...
Her Christmas present came early last year when her baby boy was born a few weeks before Christmas. When I watch her and another close girl friend transit from womanhood to motherhood, it never ceases to amaze me the transformation a woman goes through with pregnancy & motherhood - physically, emotionally, psychologically... no matter how 'unready' a woman seems to be for motherhood, when the time comes, she'll just deal with it with aplomb. So I've witnessed.
We've all read umpteenth times about the infamous 'biological clock', and unfair as it seems, women simply have ZERO control over her biological make up no matter how healthy/fit she is physically. In other words, women are bound by this time limit if they ever want to consider having their own biological kid(s). This really sucks, but nonetheless, I can never see myself being one to get married for the sake of it, or just so to have kids before I get too old, though I see so many women around me feeling the pressure as their clock ticks away, yet not fully ready to give up their freedom and embrace motherhood... what a dilemma!
At the end of the day, I still believe that it boils down to choices. Personal choices. If one should place her personal life/pursuits as priority over starting a family or having babies, then that should be respected. Women should not let biological limitations restrict and dictate their decisions or choices in life, if they have carefully thought through and considered their options. In life, some things gotta give...
Thursday, January 18, 2007
A Refreshing Start!
2006 came by and flew. A crazy year for me, undoubtedly... A year filled with extreme emotions and upheavals... but i survived it. And survived it well.
1st half of 2006 spelt the end of my 7-year relationship with someone called STRANGER now. From best of friends, soul mate, to total strangers now... it just feels bizarre, unreal and amazing. It's unbelievable how fast (some) men can get out emotionally, as easy as turning on and off a tap.
I'd thought I'd never survive the incredible pain then... but with the tremendous support group I had between close friends and cousins, I somehow managed to miraculously get over the grief in 3 months. After giving myself 3 months of crying my eyes out, insomnia and heavy drinking, I snapped out of it and told myself "It's time. Time to move on. Cos' I don't deserve this. Ain't worth it." And with that, I did. And never looked back.
Looking back now, I realised how much I've grown and learnt through the experience last year. One thing is for sure... we are all stronger than we think we are. Much stronger. In times of crisis or difficulty, it takes sheer willpower and belief that you will be able to pull through no matter how tough it gets. Another wakeup call for me is also the realisation that I'd neglected myself and lost myself in the 7-year relationship. And now, it just seems so liberating to be able to focus on myself again, and find myself once more.
I know of many girl friends who lose themselves as they progress in a relationship or marriage, or fall into the depths of depression after a breakup. It's painful to see that happen to close ones around me, and I can't stress the importance of NOT forgetting yourself and having the ability to BE positive and look forward to the better things to come. Because, in life, things happen for a reason. And it's up to you how you want to grow from the experience and emerge a stronger person. You can only control 50% of the situation where a relationship is concerned, and give your best to it. The other 50% you can't control, you just have to let go and move on.
Having said that, I'm pleased to say that the 2nd half of 2006 turned out more than fine for me. I got reacquainted with lots of people I've lost touch with, and reconnected with a special person that I've always wanted to know for many years but wasn't able to due to timing. Best of all, I made certain personal milestones in the 2nd half of 2006 and did the things I always wanted to do - golf for example.
Can't wait to see a fantastic 2007 unfold!
Live each day to the fullest, so that you can truly say "I've lived. And lived my life without any regrets."
1st half of 2006 spelt the end of my 7-year relationship with someone called STRANGER now. From best of friends, soul mate, to total strangers now... it just feels bizarre, unreal and amazing. It's unbelievable how fast (some) men can get out emotionally, as easy as turning on and off a tap.
I'd thought I'd never survive the incredible pain then... but with the tremendous support group I had between close friends and cousins, I somehow managed to miraculously get over the grief in 3 months. After giving myself 3 months of crying my eyes out, insomnia and heavy drinking, I snapped out of it and told myself "It's time. Time to move on. Cos' I don't deserve this. Ain't worth it." And with that, I did. And never looked back.
Looking back now, I realised how much I've grown and learnt through the experience last year. One thing is for sure... we are all stronger than we think we are. Much stronger. In times of crisis or difficulty, it takes sheer willpower and belief that you will be able to pull through no matter how tough it gets. Another wakeup call for me is also the realisation that I'd neglected myself and lost myself in the 7-year relationship. And now, it just seems so liberating to be able to focus on myself again, and find myself once more.
I know of many girl friends who lose themselves as they progress in a relationship or marriage, or fall into the depths of depression after a breakup. It's painful to see that happen to close ones around me, and I can't stress the importance of NOT forgetting yourself and having the ability to BE positive and look forward to the better things to come. Because, in life, things happen for a reason. And it's up to you how you want to grow from the experience and emerge a stronger person. You can only control 50% of the situation where a relationship is concerned, and give your best to it. The other 50% you can't control, you just have to let go and move on.
Having said that, I'm pleased to say that the 2nd half of 2006 turned out more than fine for me. I got reacquainted with lots of people I've lost touch with, and reconnected with a special person that I've always wanted to know for many years but wasn't able to due to timing. Best of all, I made certain personal milestones in the 2nd half of 2006 and did the things I always wanted to do - golf for example.
Can't wait to see a fantastic 2007 unfold!
Live each day to the fullest, so that you can truly say "I've lived. And lived my life without any regrets."
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