So, the BIG question is... IS MARRIAGE A LIFELONG COMMITMENT?
A topic that's close to my heart, I am of the belief that yes, marriage is a lifelong commitment. It is a complex relationship and partnership that involves the full integration of two individuals at many levels of the social strata (from social groups that includes friends and colleagues to family).
I spoke to a male friend recently who's got a BIG reputation as a player in the field, and he mentioned that in a survey he did with his male friends, a good half of them felt that it's ok to seek extra marital affair if it doesn't involve emotional engagement, cos as long as it's not emotional and merely 'physical' it's not considered cheating. Gee... flabberghasted is the word here...
Then at a recent Power Lunch Talk (organised by the Business & Professional Women's Association - 3rd Chapter, of which I'm part of in the EXCO) with Minister of Finance and Transport Mrs Lim Hwee Hwa, Mrs Lim brought up this trend as a topic of concern, and asked the luncheon attendees their opinion of this phenomenon.
Some interesting perspectives came up amongst members and guests during this discussion.
1. Changing social values
A number of women voiced their concern with the fact that family and marriage values have changed significantly, with the emergence of today's financially independent and equally educated women. Women today no longer need marriage as a security blanket, and are less willing to compromise their lifestyles and life choices, i.e. less 'tolerant'. Men, have lagged behind, as women evolved over time. Their consciousness and awareness of women's needs today are apparently lacking and some of them are still not viewing marriage or even family/parenthood as an equal partnership.
2. Lack of strong foundation/understanding of the commitment involved before taking the leap to marriage
The recent movement by MCDS to start a counseling service for pre-marital preparation is no doubt a good effort to make such services available to the masses, as pre-marital workshops/counseling are usually limited to religious groups and less accessible. Question is, are we able to make it mandatory for couples to go through marriage preparation courses before they are eligible to register their marriage at the Registry of Marriage?
3. Marrying for the wrong reasons (e.g. The Singapore Phenomenon)
Many young couples marry for the wrong reason. The HDB flat phenomenon is one of the main reasons for Singapore couples to get married, as the public policy has made it impossible for singles under the age of 35 to own their own HDB apartment, unless they have the means to purchase a private property, which is ever difficult now with the booming property prices. Once again, this policy has created a push factor for couples to enter into marriage, when they may or may not be truly ready to deal with the lifelong commitment that marriage entails.
Moving on to parenting... the topic of discussion revolved much around women having to multi-task, making sacrifices professionally at some point in their life to cater to children and parenthood. Policies and measures are taken to make it easier for women to continue working and contribute her fair share as wife and mother in the domestic front. But what about policies to encourage MEN to play a more equal role in fatherhood and parenting? I strongly believe that it's time now to educate the men in our society about the importance and need to play an equal partnership in parenthood, and this means men should have as much understanding from their bosses when they need to take leave to take care of their kids, having generous paternity leave to allow them to relieve their wives when necessary. Mrs Lim Hwee Hwa mentioned that the government did toy with the idea of granting longer paternity leave, but was hesitant that the men would use the paternity leave and spend it on the golf course. I beg to differ. At least for the younger men in their 20s and 30s. I believe this group of men are more enlightened and more liberal in their outlook, and they are more aware and open about their gender roles in today's society.
So... it's time. Time for the public policies to aggressively encourage men to step out of their old roles and step up to the challenge of playing an equal partner for their better halves.
