Motherhood & Womanhood

"So when are you planning to start a family and have kids?"

This was a favourite question I had to face with my gynae every year when I visit her for my annual checkup. Despite hitting the BIG 3-0 last year, I still felt none of the maternal instincts or need to have a baby anytime soon, although I love babies and kids.

So when one of my closest girl friends D told me she was pregnant last year, it struck me that life will be different from now onwards... we once talked about going through pregnancy together, but she beat me to it. And it's kissing goodbye to our girlie nights out, long dinners etc. Topics these days when we meet can't escape from breastfeeding, the baby, yada yada. Well, at least I'm learning new things...

Her Christmas present came early last year when her baby boy was born a few weeks before Christmas. When I watch her and another close girl friend transit from womanhood to motherhood, it never ceases to amaze me the transformation a woman goes through with pregnancy & motherhood - physically, emotionally, psychologically... no matter how 'unready' a woman seems to be for motherhood, when the time comes, she'll just deal with it with aplomb. So I've witnessed.

We've all read umpteenth times about the infamous 'biological clock', and unfair as it seems, women simply have ZERO control over her biological make up no matter how healthy/fit she is physically. In other words, women are bound by this time limit if they ever want to consider having their own biological kid(s). This really sucks, but nonetheless, I can never see myself being one to get married for the sake of it, or just so to have kids before I get too old, though I see so many women around me feeling the pressure as their clock ticks away, yet not fully ready to give up their freedom and embrace motherhood... what a dilemma!

At the end of the day, I still believe that it boils down to choices. Personal choices. If one should place her personal life/pursuits as priority over starting a family or having babies, then that should be respected. Women should not let biological limitations restrict and dictate their decisions or choices in life, if they have carefully thought through and considered their options. In life, some things gotta give...

A Refreshing Start!

2006 came by and flew. A crazy year for me, undoubtedly... A year filled with extreme emotions and upheavals... but i survived it. And survived it well.

1st half of 2006 spelt the end of my 7-year relationship with someone called STRANGER now. From best of friends, soul mate, to total strangers now... it just feels bizarre, unreal and amazing. It's unbelievable how fast (some) men can get out emotionally, as easy as turning on and off a tap.

I'd thought I'd never survive the incredible pain then... but with the tremendous support group I had between close friends and cousins, I somehow managed to miraculously get over the grief in 3 months. After giving myself 3 months of crying my eyes out, insomnia and heavy drinking, I snapped out of it and told myself "It's time. Time to move on. Cos' I don't deserve this. Ain't worth it." And with that, I did. And never looked back.

Looking back now, I realised how much I've grown and learnt through the experience last year. One thing is for sure... we are all stronger than we think we are. Much stronger. In times of crisis or difficulty, it takes sheer willpower and belief that you will be able to pull through no matter how tough it gets. Another wakeup call for me is also the realisation that I'd neglected myself and lost myself in the 7-year relationship. And now, it just seems so liberating to be able to focus on myself again, and find myself once more.

I know of many girl friends who lose themselves as they progress in a relationship or marriage, or fall into the depths of depression after a breakup. It's painful to see that happen to close ones around me, and I can't stress the importance of NOT forgetting yourself and having the ability to BE positive and look forward to the better things to come. Because, in life, things happen for a reason. And it's up to you how you want to grow from the experience and emerge a stronger person. You can only control 50% of the situation where a relationship is concerned, and give your best to it. The other 50% you can't control, you just have to let go and move on.

Having said that, I'm pleased to say that the 2nd half of 2006 turned out more than fine for me. I got reacquainted with lots of people I've lost touch with, and reconnected with a special person that I've always wanted to know for many years but wasn't able to due to timing. Best of all, I made certain personal milestones in the 2nd half of 2006 and did the things I always wanted to do - golf for example.

Can't wait to see a fantastic 2007 unfold!

Live each day to the fullest, so that you can truly say "I've lived. And lived my life without any regrets."